we need to get radical about defending women

gossip about women, smear campaigns, and misogyny masked as "critique"

I would love to see a world where vitriol brought against women wasn’t enabled by other women and gossip about women was no longer believed and ran with. It is so easy for women to be discredited or ousted. Once a woman earns a label, it’s extremely difficult for her to ever be seen otherwise. Because of this, I think we need to be mindful about what we hear, and take a step back from unsupported hatred thrown at women.

Radical defense of women doesn’t mean women will never be held accountable. When women perpetuate harm, that should be addressed. Women are capable of abuse, manipulation, and bigotry and this shouldn’t go ignored. If you are abused by a woman, be it emotionally or physically, you have the right to be outraged and to share your story. It’s not expected that all women will like each other. It is possible to dislike and critique women without using misogynistic talking points. Radical defense means questioning the stories you hear about women, analyzing the source of the information, and being aware of how quickly smear campaigns turn into outright misogyny.

As an example, Chappell Roan has recently received vitriol because she set boundaries for fans approaching her when she’s out in public. She asked that fans not do this, and give her space to live as a regular person. Soon after, she made headlines again because she told a disrespectful photographer on the red carpet to “shut the fuck up.” Naturally, this was met with disdain. What followed was any instance of Chappell being angry or even showing disinterest on her face was brought to the forefront. She was called a diva, a bitch, ungrateful, rude, a cunt, and other colorful names. People began denouncing her music even if they were fans a few days prior, and she was plastered on headlines for weeks. Even months later, her facial expressions are still dissected by TikTok body language experts. Not only do I believe she was justified in snapping at that photographer and wanting privacy, it never called for a months long smear campaign. She is a woman with boundaries who will not compromise on them, and for that she is a villain.

Hailey Bieber has become one of the most hated women on the internet because of her marriage to Justin Bieber. You might see people say it’s because of her racist past, she’s a nepo baby, she’s a privileged skinny white woman, or because her behavior prior to meeting JB was obsessive. While these are solid critiques this is rarely what’s talked about, it’s rarely spoken about in a serious manner, and it’s rare that you see the affected groups discussing it. So I have to ask, are any of these reasons the reason she’s become the poster child for men (cough, Justin Baldoni) requesting a smear campaign from PR firms? You’ll rarely see Justin’s (equally racist) behavior critiqued, but what you will see is the narrative that Hailey “stole” him from Selena. This is mentioned far more than what I listed above, because the truth is Hailey receives the hate that does because she is a woman and because of her marriage. Her proximity to a man is much more important than her humanity as a woman or any faults she has.

Rachel Zegler, I couldn’t even tell you why people hate her. I genuinely have no idea and I never see anyone discussing it, only berating her endlessly online. Is it because she’s “cringe”, not white, a theater kid, or all of the above? Did she kill someone? I sincerely doubt that, but people act like she did. The woman can’t post a single thing without a borage of hate comments. And for what? I couldn’t tell you because no one cares about the reason, they’re just excited to feel justified in attacking a woman.

Adding onto this, where are the smear campaigns against men? Are men thrown under the bus in the same way women in the public eye are? No. In fact, an alarming amount of men with influence are rapists, abusers, or serial cheaters¹. As stated before, once a woman earns a label it’s incredibly difficult for her to lose it, but the same cannot be said for men. Men can be “canceled” for actual crimes, but a woman better not dare tell a reporter to shut the fuck up. There is little difference between celebrity and regular life when it comes to this matter, and when we normalize it in celeb world it makes it all the easier for any woman to become a target. A woman doesn’t need to be famous to fall victim to rumors or hatred, and is that not enough to reconsider how we navigate these attacks on women?

Now, I’m a hypocrite. I have no issue admitting that. There have been many instances throughout my life where I did not defend women when I should have. I have had drama with women, gossiped about women, and have failed to give women the benefit of the doubt. I’m also a white woman, and white women have been the biggest perpetrators of this behavior when it’s woman vs woman. White women have historically weaponized rumor and false victimhood against women of color. We have historically been the first to abandon other women in an attempt to comply with male supremacy. This is a much more violent form of the main topic of this essay, but it needs to be stated nonetheless.

As I mentioned above, there are women who need to be criticized, but I’m working hard to be more critical of when that is. I’m working on recognizing when a smear campaign is in action and not engaging. My goal is to defend women in ways that simply uplift them and remind people of their humanity, instead of adding fuel to an already burning fire.

Historically, gossip amongst women has been life saving. When women are able to gather and compare stories, we can keep ourselves safe from the violent and abusive men lurking about. When this gossip is turned against women in a hateful way, I see the opposite effect. Women are kept apart because of rumor that no one knows the validity of. I’ve witnessed countless women spend years disliking one another only to realize their issues with each other were trivial upon having a single conversation.

Radical defense is something that I view as attainable for women. I feel as if a large portion of women already have this desire to keep each other safe, but we’re conditioned to never defend women too valiantly. Women who stick together will be targeted together, and that works as a deterrent for many women. I see the tides changing. Incel language has become more normalized and men are becoming more brazen every day, this is only making women angrier. As women get angrier, we’re quicker to defend each other over anything.

We are in terrifying times, all women are in danger. Not only do I think radical defense is possible, I believe it is a necessity.

Finally, I have some very simple requests. When it comes to gossip about women consider the source of information, communicate with women you have miniscule issues with, don’t recklessly believe rumor, don’t participate in smear campaigns, don’t waste time explaining women’s truth to misogynists, and uplift women even if they’re not in direct community with you.

It is possible.

1. for more on this topic, read my essay “the love for abusive famous men”

the love for abusive famous men