feminist yap sessions 002: victim blaming
May 18th, 2025
It’s been spoken about so many times which is why this is just a yap session. Victim blaming may be one of the most common forms of misogyny. It flies under the radar and often the rhetoric isn’t recognized as victim blaming. It’s not viewed as taboo to discuss a victim’s circumstances. It’s been normalized to speak on a victim’s actions and critique where you feel they went wrong. Inserting one’s opinion into a court case is just another day on the internet. If women leave, they’re dramatic. If women stay, they brought it on themselves. When do we reach a point where the masses admit they want women to be abused?
The only perfect victim is a dead one. You may have heard this before, it’s a common slogan to describe the intensity of victim blaming. The worst part? It’s not even true. Women who have been murdered are not perfect enough for the victim blamer, women who kill themselves after being victimized are not perfect enough. People will find ways to blame the dead victim.
“Why didn’t she leave?”
“He never did anything like that to me…”
“She could’ve just asked for help.”
“She should’ve called the police!”
“She must be overreacting, she’s trying to destroy a man’s life with accusations.”
“But did she say no?”
“She could’ve fought back.”
“It was mutually abusive because she hit him too.”
“He’s a good man!”
“She didn’t set a hard boundary.”
If you find your lips poised to speak any of these phrases or their variations, you’re preparing to victim blame. Think of how often you’ve heard these phrases, think of how flippantly they were said.
The only perfect victim is a silent one.
That’s the real truth. It doesn’t matter if they’re bruised, beaten, or dead. All that matters is if they are silent. Silence allows men’s violence to continue, silence allows male supremacy to thrive. Men in 1547 declared that gossip between women was witchcraft. They tasked husbands with locking their wives indoors so they could not discuss their husbands behavior amongst one another. They created a muzzle for men to place on their wives, adorned with spikes to ensure if she moved her tongue it would be torn. This device was used from 1567 to 1600.
Can we reach any conclusion other than the only perfect victim is a silent one? The goal of victim blaming is for women to never come forward, never escape their abusers, and accept men;s violence. If patriarchy is not questioned, patriarchy is not threatened.
It’s odd that victims are supposed to be perfect but abusers aren’t. It seems as if the flaws of the abuser are accepted. The rapist is accepted, the wife beater is accepted, the groomer is accepted. The victim? Never.
I’m fucking sick of it.
There is no perfect victim because no victim should be forced to be silent.
