male loneliness epidemic??? when i was younger, we used to call that "being socially backward", "being socially disfunctional", "being a misogynist", etc. how did it become (a) an epidemic, and (b) something that they are victims of, like cancer or polio??? every time women try to assume a position of equality, there is a segment of the male population that rises up and tries to hit them with a rolled up newspaper... as both a cat and dog lover, i have a theory... i have met lots of men who love dogs but really really hate cats... there have been some famous cat haters down through the years, such as Napoleon, Hitler... probably trump. famous cat lovers include Lincoln, Albert Schweitzer, and others... many men hate cats claiming that they are untrustworthy, shifty, not to be trusted, etc. it turns out that when pressed, they do not like that cats are independent, have their own lives, and unlike dogs (i have three and love them dearly) do not live to please their humans. Women are not on this planet to please men (news flash to many men) nor are they possessions, etc. when reminded of this by a woman's behavior that shows their independence, especially anything sexual, they freak out. like their own personal sex doll calling up another sex doll for a good time...
It’s very telling that the men who lodge a complaint against smut always use the genre as some sort of gotcha. If women are so independent, then why is Feyre Archeron so hot for bossy pants Lord of the Spring Court, Tamlin (who, spoiler alert, sucks but the reader doesn’t know that till later)? It’s all surface level critiques, utterly empty of any substance. And it’s indicative, too, of what porn is doing to these men, because women can most definitely separate sexual fantasies from real life in a way they cannot.
I think erotica is great and more men would enjoy reading it! There are wonderful authors for everything porn! For everyone. Jieraya and Kakashi read erotica guys. We don’t have to read 50 shades of grey if we don’t want to, there are plenty of other books. I think erotica or smut of porn on words unites everybody really. I don’t see the problem some men have about the other half of humanity reading porn.
Fascinating! And accurate! This is in the same sphere as another phenomenon that makes me kinda sad - women in comments and forums and BookTok etc. saying they are "questioning their feminism" as a hyperbolic *compliment* about a book premise or a plot point or a male main character. I don't know what to say when I see that, because it's clearly a figure of speech but also it's letting these assumptions about smut that you describe fester, and thus remain active in the world.
Honestly, I couldn’t say it better myself. Most men who complain about smut will no doubt indulge in an equal amount of porn that will treat us like props. Most women and queer people who write smut are incredibly passionate and dedicated people in their interests. I find the whole thing hypocritical. Men will actively support the site whose women are most likely doing this without consent and they’ll not say a thing. The second a woman wants that control, suddenly it’s a problem.
And they will look at everything but themselves - that sums it all to just one point. Not looking at the source of problem, easier to find fault in others. I always wonder when and how this all culture around sexuality evolved around men's pleasure.
"Surely, feminism must all be a lie if women enjoy sex and kink. It’s not very independent bad bitch to thirst after men with wings. It’s unthinkable that women, much like men, can express sexuality."
I often think about this when I see men on social media obsessing over "body counts." The way they describe picturing their "girl" with someone else is often borderline pornographic. As with all man-panics over women's sexuality, it comes down to insecurity that they are not going to be adequate in a woman's eyes, so they'd rather women not know any better.
I am curious, though. What do you mean by "I don’t think fictional characters are capable of consent..."?
i believe when it comes to media that depicts dom/sub relationships or CNC openly (as opposed to romanticizing rape) people can clutch pearls in a way that makes it seem as if the characters are having their consent revoked or impeded upon. i usually see this used against queer authors or queer characters. i mostly mean it in the sense that i think the author’s ability to showcase these dynamics is more important than you not liking the material or the characters supposed consent. similarly, i think fictional characters is not the best way to have conversations about how you feel about some kink dynamics.
That makes sense! Initially, I read it in the opposite way which confused me because it seemed at odds with the rest of the piece. Fully agree with the intended meaning, though.
"...fictional characters is not the best way to have conversations about how you feel about some kink dynamics." Very much this. Fiction can and does say a lot of things, and it should, but it is ultimately fiction. Kink is a personal thing that by necessity needs to be negotiated between the two or more people in a dynamic, not debated in media studies. In my personal kink practice, I often think of it in terms of fiction; that is, anything happening in a scene is essentially fictional and not reflective of a person's beliefs. When people negotiate and consent to a scene, they are agreeing on the shared fiction they will inhabit for the duration.
completely fair. i actually wrote this essay all in one go after ending up in a cesspool comment section and was furiously typing in my google docs at 2am LMAOOO. i realized after posting i did not elaborate at all so i’m glad someone asked so i could in the comments.
I agree. As Substacks angriest anti-porn cat, I cannot agree with the equivalence of written smut and internet pornography that so many men make. One slithers into boys (and girls) lives and traumatizes and disrupts their development and one does not. Written smut is okay. You have to buy it. It’s not designed to hack teen boys brains either. Smut all you like ladies. 🫡 not that anyone asked me. But equating the cultural impact and emotional damage of internet pornography with written smut is bonkers.
Interesting read. My issue with romantasy on booktok is that the books are still very patriarchal. Talking about popular books like Haunting Adeline as some “romantic plot” is inherently harmful considering the protagonist gets raped (but she orgasms so “it’s okay”). The main male characters in these books are always toxic but handsome, so “what does it matter.” But i guess this is a completely different topic. ❤️❤️❤️
i stopped reading the booktok recommendations after the 3rd i read lol, so a lot of the mmc’s i’ve encountered have been more devoted and submissive (totally not my type…). this was originally what i was going to write on because i do agree but unfortunately i can’t let men have any fun.
If the incels could read, they’d be so pissed about this one.
Also, men written by women raise the fucking bar!!! They don't like women's exposure and encouragement to expect what they fucking deserve.
Amen, Hallelujah, louder for the ladies in the baaaaack 🙌🙌🙌
male loneliness epidemic??? when i was younger, we used to call that "being socially backward", "being socially disfunctional", "being a misogynist", etc. how did it become (a) an epidemic, and (b) something that they are victims of, like cancer or polio??? every time women try to assume a position of equality, there is a segment of the male population that rises up and tries to hit them with a rolled up newspaper... as both a cat and dog lover, i have a theory... i have met lots of men who love dogs but really really hate cats... there have been some famous cat haters down through the years, such as Napoleon, Hitler... probably trump. famous cat lovers include Lincoln, Albert Schweitzer, and others... many men hate cats claiming that they are untrustworthy, shifty, not to be trusted, etc. it turns out that when pressed, they do not like that cats are independent, have their own lives, and unlike dogs (i have three and love them dearly) do not live to please their humans. Women are not on this planet to please men (news flash to many men) nor are they possessions, etc. when reminded of this by a woman's behavior that shows their independence, especially anything sexual, they freak out. like their own personal sex doll calling up another sex doll for a good time...
It’s very telling that the men who lodge a complaint against smut always use the genre as some sort of gotcha. If women are so independent, then why is Feyre Archeron so hot for bossy pants Lord of the Spring Court, Tamlin (who, spoiler alert, sucks but the reader doesn’t know that till later)? It’s all surface level critiques, utterly empty of any substance. And it’s indicative, too, of what porn is doing to these men, because women can most definitely separate sexual fantasies from real life in a way they cannot.
I think erotica is great and more men would enjoy reading it! There are wonderful authors for everything porn! For everyone. Jieraya and Kakashi read erotica guys. We don’t have to read 50 shades of grey if we don’t want to, there are plenty of other books. I think erotica or smut of porn on words unites everybody really. I don’t see the problem some men have about the other half of humanity reading porn.
“Another day of me not being able to talk my shit because men are doing misogyny.” Hitting the nail on the head always.
appreciate it!
Fascinating! And accurate! This is in the same sphere as another phenomenon that makes me kinda sad - women in comments and forums and BookTok etc. saying they are "questioning their feminism" as a hyperbolic *compliment* about a book premise or a plot point or a male main character. I don't know what to say when I see that, because it's clearly a figure of speech but also it's letting these assumptions about smut that you describe fester, and thus remain active in the world.
Honestly, I couldn’t say it better myself. Most men who complain about smut will no doubt indulge in an equal amount of porn that will treat us like props. Most women and queer people who write smut are incredibly passionate and dedicated people in their interests. I find the whole thing hypocritical. Men will actively support the site whose women are most likely doing this without consent and they’ll not say a thing. The second a woman wants that control, suddenly it’s a problem.
And they will look at everything but themselves - that sums it all to just one point. Not looking at the source of problem, easier to find fault in others. I always wonder when and how this all culture around sexuality evolved around men's pleasure.
Well argued!
"Surely, feminism must all be a lie if women enjoy sex and kink. It’s not very independent bad bitch to thirst after men with wings. It’s unthinkable that women, much like men, can express sexuality."
I often think about this when I see men on social media obsessing over "body counts." The way they describe picturing their "girl" with someone else is often borderline pornographic. As with all man-panics over women's sexuality, it comes down to insecurity that they are not going to be adequate in a woman's eyes, so they'd rather women not know any better.
I am curious, though. What do you mean by "I don’t think fictional characters are capable of consent..."?
i believe when it comes to media that depicts dom/sub relationships or CNC openly (as opposed to romanticizing rape) people can clutch pearls in a way that makes it seem as if the characters are having their consent revoked or impeded upon. i usually see this used against queer authors or queer characters. i mostly mean it in the sense that i think the author’s ability to showcase these dynamics is more important than you not liking the material or the characters supposed consent. similarly, i think fictional characters is not the best way to have conversations about how you feel about some kink dynamics.
That makes sense! Initially, I read it in the opposite way which confused me because it seemed at odds with the rest of the piece. Fully agree with the intended meaning, though.
"...fictional characters is not the best way to have conversations about how you feel about some kink dynamics." Very much this. Fiction can and does say a lot of things, and it should, but it is ultimately fiction. Kink is a personal thing that by necessity needs to be negotiated between the two or more people in a dynamic, not debated in media studies. In my personal kink practice, I often think of it in terms of fiction; that is, anything happening in a scene is essentially fictional and not reflective of a person's beliefs. When people negotiate and consent to a scene, they are agreeing on the shared fiction they will inhabit for the duration.
completely fair. i actually wrote this essay all in one go after ending up in a cesspool comment section and was furiously typing in my google docs at 2am LMAOOO. i realized after posting i did not elaborate at all so i’m glad someone asked so i could in the comments.
I couldn't get past Haunting of Adeline
just the title alone—i sat up & was like: excuse me?
um no, this is not a conversation they’re involving themselves…tell me this is a joke.
I agree. As Substacks angriest anti-porn cat, I cannot agree with the equivalence of written smut and internet pornography that so many men make. One slithers into boys (and girls) lives and traumatizes and disrupts their development and one does not. Written smut is okay. You have to buy it. It’s not designed to hack teen boys brains either. Smut all you like ladies. 🫡 not that anyone asked me. But equating the cultural impact and emotional damage of internet pornography with written smut is bonkers.
Interesting read. My issue with romantasy on booktok is that the books are still very patriarchal. Talking about popular books like Haunting Adeline as some “romantic plot” is inherently harmful considering the protagonist gets raped (but she orgasms so “it’s okay”). The main male characters in these books are always toxic but handsome, so “what does it matter.” But i guess this is a completely different topic. ❤️❤️❤️
i stopped reading the booktok recommendations after the 3rd i read lol, so a lot of the mmc’s i’ve encountered have been more devoted and submissive (totally not my type…). this was originally what i was going to write on because i do agree but unfortunately i can’t let men have any fun.