feminist yap sessions 003: when leftist men are shitty
It’s a normal response for women to be disappointed or surprised when a “progressive” man turns out to be overtly misogynistic or abusive. It’s a valid reaction, I’m just sick of it. It feels like fatigue on my part from seeing too many women be let down by men. I don’t want us to be numb to this, but I think men have shown themselves to us often enough that we shouldn’t be shocked.
The vast majority of men are not equipped to have complex discussion on patriarchy. They’re just not, I’m sorry. I want women to be more cautious when they encounter the “male feminist.” Women should be aware that when they engage with a progressive man there is at least a 70% chance you’re going to hear the most outlandish shit out of his mouth at some point. There is a high probability he is going to call you a bitch when you make him mad.
I’ve written before about apathy towards men, and I still want to see more of it. I don’t want women to be numb to misogyny and I don’t want women to be stunned by it. In this case, apathy wouldn’t mean numbness, but a lack of concern so severe that we can simply turn away from these men and let them rot somewhere outside of our minds. They showed their ass, let them wave it around on their own time.
These men got 4 shocked reactions out of me before I stopped caring.
An adjacent issue, feminists try too hard to show men they’re included in feminism. I add that here because I think if women stopped doing this, we wouldn’t be so disappointed when that inclusion is thrown back in our faces. It’s normal to be upset when you extend the olive branch and it’s chopped to bits by a machete.
At the core of feminism, any form of feminism, men benefit. If patriarchy falls, men benefit from it. Men are inherently included in feminism, and for that reason I don’t feel as if we need to make it a point to them. I see many feminists writing pieces showcasing to men how they are included in feminism. I see think pieces on men’s suffering under patriarchy and empathizing with that struggle. Do your thing, but I don’t think it’s necessary. We’re already doing the work for them (and they still don’t care) so I choose to spend my time focusing on women. At the end of the day, they’re still benefitting from my labor.
I am working on a longer and much more thought out piece about this topic. I will explore men’s role in feminist movements, what that means for them, and if men should be striving to be advocates, allies, accomplices or whatever the fuck. For now, I leave you with this:
Don’t trust these dudes. Don’t be shocked when they play games.
